theworldaccordingtochris

my friend who shall remain anonymous probably experienced one of the worst days of his life ever.  this post is a tribute to him holding his chin up in spite of all the events that have passed.  and it is also for satisfying the inner shadenfreude in all of us.

for weeks, he had been building up the idea that he would have romantic intentions with this girl that he used to be friends with.  he made sure she didn’t have a boyfriend and lined up his ducks.  he was finally going to clear the cobwebs in his pants and possible hold hands with her.  after years and years and years and years of being out of action, he was going to dive right back in, or so he thought…

they re-established contact and tried to meet up on several occasions.  finally she invited him to an 80’s themed party.  he bought a blue 80’s track suit online, which left little to the imagination.  his friends offered to roll with him to the party, but his plans for spending the night dominated all rhyme and reason.  there would be no reason NOT to stay over.

when he arrived at the party, he turned out to be one of the few people dressed for the “theme” party.  he arrived a little too early and the party was getting started, but early enough to see his lady friend had a male suitor with her for the night.  plan foiled, but he was to try to make the best of the situation, small talk with strangers turned out to be the best it would get.

as the party wound down, his friend asked him to drive her two gay guy friends home.  apparently he offended one of them on the way home as he just told him to stop and he would get out and walk.

a little too buzzed to drive all the way home from sf and without warm bed and said girl, he parked in a krispe kreme  parking and nearly froze to death as he slept.  at 7am, he drove home and took a shower, causing his nose to bleed.

last week, his GPS and phone were stolen from his car.

(no this isn’t me)